Forrest Preserve 17:20

My grand-grandpa Lukasik had places in his forest in Kasina, Poland, from which he always would bring a hat of mushrooms, the places that nobody knew. He also had a horse that would not be used for farming,
but for riding the surrounding mountain forests. He was a soldier in Austrian army, he had servant-workers that helped with the farm and his wife was respectable and educated, delivering babies for the whole village as many of them remember even today.

So this is all I know, I never met him, but I lived in the walls of his house and I feel the connection.

Today, I go in my spirit to him, I sit in the high steppe among the forest, not a soul around. I soak the sun low over the tree line, peaceful. I feel the warm wind mixing with the chill of the forest. I feel the connection to this surroundings, the white tail deer feeding nearby among the grasses, I feel connection to my ancestry in Kasina
I am at peace about my future.

The hum of the humanity, the cars on the road, is so distant it sounds like a quiet ocean surf, it is quieter than the cicadas and the grasshoppers.

The mosquito spray and the blanket are important to carry in one's car trunk. Nobody like the mosquitos, even when sprayed they still buzz around. Sometimes when the surroundings are as beautiful as
today, you have to learn to ignore them. They are like a lover with a cold, the can get you sick, but here they are. Be mindful it is their home your are in.

Thoughts on Buddhism

I was thinking about Buddhism, I have read many books, and not all Buddhism is the same.

I realize I am not Zen Buddhist, not even a "proper" Buddhist, but a follower of my own way, er..., "Uki-do" (wink-wink).

Recently, my friend sarcastically laughed at me for hearing me say "I like normality" as if I was everything but. That was the first time I realized that I may be perceived by others as some kind of rebel without a cause, to me, in my own life, I stand up against what seems as unnatural to me.

So how do you practice my "Uki-do"?

At every moment try to be mindful (vipassana), be mindful of your own states of mind, and of others, try to see what causes the pain and anger. Don't let these states of mind control the life.

The most important principle is to try to do the best you can in every moment of your life. Then, don't worry when things go wrong, you already did your best and there is nothing you could have done better. Also, things do improve slowly in your life as you make the effort (karma). Remember, your "best" is subjective and others may think contrary, again, just try your best, trust your instincts, do not succumb to the peer pressure.

Stop to smell the roses, write a poem, observe. "Don't just do anything, sit there", goes an old buddhist saying.

Your life is your meditation, sitting in the cave may work for some, but not for me.

Train to live with the assumption that you may die the next day (momento mori), and your life will become full of meaning and maybe of peace (nirvana). Only young fools think they will live forever and waste their lives.

Battles are won before they even begin. Only young fools think otherwise.
Therefore be a warrior - imagine an old, wise, gentleman/warrior/master. Old warriors avoid the fights at all costs. The fights bring the casualties, but hardly ever the solutions. They are compassionate for their opponents before and after the fight, but never during - mind must stay clean during the confrontation. They are always preparing and instinctively know what to do when the time comes.

There will be plenty of fights that life will throw at you, don't try to pick one on your own, every fight may be your last. "Choose your fights wisely" my previous boss once said to me.

Prepare yourself, if you find that something matters, learn about it (dharma). You cannot learn about everything, but you can do your best. If you missed something, don't despair.

Be good to people, relationships are most important (sangha), you can try to live without them, but you will be miserable.

Eat well (read about my caveman diet), get good rest, make love and exercise.

Oh, almost forgot: "Snap out of it!", and seek your own enlightenment (buddha).

Gym

I've hit the gym today, first time in a while. I gave a good try to most of the machines, felt good.
Suddenly, within hours, I got sick: watery, light-sensitive eyes and running nuse. Maybe got a virus in the gym, maybe allergy I am not aware I have any. The sore muscles after the exercise compound the feeling. I ate a good dinner and 1000 mg of vitamin C chase by a bottle of water and going to sleep, hopefully will pass before tomorrow.

No, I did not forget to write.

The stress and worries suck out the life blood of me like mosquitoes, leaving only an etch and the desire to throw my hands in the air a run like a madman. I am at the wit's ends.

I watched tonight the movie "Girl with a Perl Earring" it is a masterpiece about the masterpiece. Life can be so beautifull, yet so sad.

Ghosts in my closet.

Worked late tonight. The house is silent, scary. I have seen a horror a couple a days ago, a lady in white night gaun laying in the pool of blood. I have the image in front of my eyes everytime I look at my closet. Silly?, maybe, but serious enough to give me nightmares, afraid to fall asleep. I might need a psychiatrist soon.