Sometimes however it helps to draw a parallel to nature to understand
our own behavior.
The facts I am writing about are common knowledge, yet people hardly
ever remember to follow them.
If we were to think about our social interactions, in nature the
closest would a troop of baboons, but since hardly anybody knows about
them, I will explain on the example of a pack of wolves.
The wolves live in groups of up to 15, occasionally more, likewise the
optimal proven social grouping for humans is about 30. Much less than
30 of friends, coworkers, neighbors and relatives and we feel lonely,
more than that and we get overwhelmed. We have to learn how to find
ourselves in that group to be happy.
The pack of wolves has always an alpha male or female, and a strong
hierarchy of the order. Similarly, every group a people instinctively
chooses a leader -- always! Usually, the choice falls to the oldest,
mentally strongest and the most experienced member of the group, but
not always, I proved that a million times. The leadership is NOT a
wait-until-I-get-old game, nor respect me because I am a senior deal.
It is a learned art.
What most of the people do NOT realize is that we are not talking only
about CEOs of the companies, but about ANY interaction of people, at
ANY time, be it water cooler conversation, a business meeting, or a
family gathering.
People constantly, just like wolves, assess their standing in the
society and act accordingly. If a person feels inferior, weak, sick,
fearful - he, or she automatically lands on the bottom of the food
chain. In the nature this individual may be pushed aside, eat last, or
have a throat sliced. I human society that person will be ignored, or
ridiculed.
Most of us are compassionate, to some extend, but think about times
when we hear a speaker that is weak, unsure -- we naturally deny that
person the leadership.
So, if I was to sum up. If you meet with a group of 4 people: you will
always be either a leader, number two, three, or four. Most of the
time it is YOUR choice.
How to be a leader? Books have been written, but this are a few
pointers I try to remember:
- nobody can intimidate me, nobody!
- I am not afraid of people opinions, I do what I believe in, always!
- I help people solve THEIR problems, show compassion -- forget all
that and you are just a jerk
- I remember that I am hardly ever the best in the crowd in the area
of expertise, I direct other's talents like it was an orchestra, I
don't have to play the violin to get standing ovations
- be sincere, people will know if you are not
Again, have any fear of what the others would think of you and people
will SMELL it -- and they will go for your throat!
You can see it over and over again: people do a "thing" in fear and
they get punished, others do the same thing with a chin up and
conviction and they become heroes, the songs are sung about them.
Chin up! No fear!
Exception: when only two people meet that are closly related we often
open up and show our weaknesses. This is what makes relationship
beautiful! With my friends, or daughter I don't have to compete. It is
a safety valve that let's us unload our pains and tensions.
